God doesn't work like a drive thru

I want to meet the person that stated that patience is a virtue. Because it is...virtually impossible for me that is. I mean, I've always known that I'm not the world's most patient person simply for

fact that I refuse to stand in line longer than like 5 minutes without getting antsy and I hate hate hate having to wait on anything-people, things, you name it I don't wanna have to wait I want it right then.

Obviously I'm not the only person on the face of the planet who suffers from this either. I mean just look around us....we have drive thru fast food, instant coffee, instant mac and cheese, constant updates for faster phone/internet service, fast lanes, express checkouts, etc. I also just happen to be sitting across from our Chickfila Express as well. We want and we want immediately.

Well, this is a good thing sometimes because I'm not gonna lie, getting my food faster gives me more time to "study" all day long like always. But it's the mentality that's slowly harming us without us even realizing it (yes, I actually said slowly...because when we're moving so fast paced, we hardly notice the things that are slowly changing before us, or at least that's how I am). I want everything to happen faster, so of course that mentality doesn't change when it comes to my walk with my dear Heavenly Father. I want immediate results. Constantly. And the worse part about it is that I tend to get slightly fretted when things don't happen or my life is changed the next morning when I wake up. I have this skewed idea that the next morning God will have magically changed my whole entire life while I was asleep, and I'll wake up a whole new person who won't ever struggle with my old issues anymore and all my prayers with be answered. Boy oh boy, is God showing me otherwise!

Now before I explain my wierd title I need to give you a little backgroud: I lost my financial aid from the state this semester (due to my dad's increase in income so praise God that his company is doing better, but losing $1800 a semester killed me!), and I was a train wreck. I don't normally cry, but I'm just gonna be honest, I cried my eyes out this summer when my FASFA came back. I didn't know what to do. Ok let me rephrase, I still don't know what to do. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to somehow provide me with that money I lost. Well, back to my fast mentality, I expected my prayer to get answered like asap. However, the only thing that happened quickly was the depletion of my bank account. I had to pay for textbooks, parking decals, sorority dues and fees, gas etc. It seems like the small fees here and there just haven't stopped.

So I dried my eyes and began praying for a job, and then ventured off. I applied for a tutoring position here on campus, but of course they ended up not needing any additional tutors for the semester. I looked into working at a restaurant or boutique, but so many places weren't so willing to work around my sorority's schedule and with me being an officer this year I knew I wouldn't just not be able to go to things due to work. I gave up for awhile hoping that I'd jump on an on campus job once people graduated in December. So here recently, I've been looking for jobs opening up for this next semester, and it's one of the most discouraging things I've ever done in my life. It seems everything is either already taken or else it's a job that I know I wouldn't have the time to do because of prior commitments. I mean I can't just keep writing checks and swiping my credit card and expect my money to not deplete.

So tonight in particular I was feeling especially down because several of my friends were all going out to eat, and I had opted to eat the free pb and j sandwich in my room. Along with 99% of the female population, I decided to pass the time on pinterest. Well this particular quote caught my eye: "God answers prayers to increase your faith. God deleys in answering your prayers to increase your patience. God does not answer your prayers because He has something better for you down the road." I think we can slightly modify that second one. God sometimes chooses to make us wait because we are simply not ready at times, and He desperately wants me to totally rely on Him and no one else.

Looking back, I really struggled with keeping a consistant quiet time with the Lord every day. I really had to work hard, especially during the busy weeks to make time to spend with Him. I just know that that probably wouldn't have happened if I'd been trying to deal with tests and Phi Lamb duties along with juggling a job. I know how I handle lack of sleep, and I highly doubt I would've remained consistant and in a good mood if I was exhausted every day. Also, I think God uses times like these to wait for us to rely wholly on Him. I mean wholly and totally and completely. With every ounce of being we have within us.

I'm gonna be honest, unfortunately I have spent more time worrying than actually trusting God with this. Here, the Master of the Universe, the One who owns all of creation, my Jehovah Jirah, wants to provide for me, but I'm too scared to trust Him. I trust the guy I sit next to in class to give me the old tests to study more than I trust my Loving Father to provide me with the funds to pay for gas to get home. I trust my car that's older than I am not to break down again moreso than I trust the One who feeds the sparrows and clothes the flowers of the field to provide me with a job. Even as I'm sitting here typing I realize that this makes no sense in the least. But somehow I'm stuck in that rut of a mentality. I feel like if God is choosing not to answer my prayers immediately, then that must mean that He is not answering them period and I'm on my own.

Well, He is showing me slowly but surely that this is not true and that the only reason He is waiting is because He wants me to learn to put my trust in Him like never before. Yea, He could give me the perfect job in a split instant if He wanted to...heck he could fill up my bank account so I wouldn't even have to work in a second if He deemed it so. But the fact of the matter is our Gracious Lord doesn't normally work like that. In some cases, its the process more than the end result that makes the most difference in our lives. Just like going through the drive thru makes you miss out on that personal-ness of the people working there (now I'm not gonna lie, with some of those people that's probably a blessing!), I feel like if we got immediate results to all our wants and prayers, we would miss out on some of the more personal aspects of our Father. We wouldn't get to experience what it feels like to have to run to Him because there are no other options. Sometimes we need to wait just to remind us that our Provider is the only True Provider.

God loves providing for us. I bet it just tickles Him to death to see us light up at an unexpected answer to prayer and then to see us run to Him in overwhelming gratitude and joy. He's the Ultimate Giver. So next time you start to get discouraged because it seems like your prayer just isn't getting answered quickly enough, remember that God doesn't work like the express lane at the fast food place. He is our Jehovah Jirah, our Provider. It's not that He's ignoring us, it's that His answer may not be quite what we were looking for because He's the only One who knows the big picture. Sometimes He makes us wait a bit just so we will have no choice but to quit trying our own things and run to Him. So run to Him, dear girls, for He is the only One who can fully trusted to provide all our needs.

we're alot like pumpkins...yes you read that right, pumpkins

Now, I know it's a little late, but happy Halloween anyway! I'm not one of those creepy Halloween-is-my-favorite-holiday-ever people, but I do enjoy the dressing up and and trick or treating and the scaring people. I know it's slightly sadistic, but it's really fun. So Monday night, I was supposed to share devotion with my sorority and my creative mother (who didn't pass down any of her creative genes to her firstborn might I add) reminded me of a pumpkin devotion she used to do with preschoolers, and so I decided to steal it and tweak it a tad. But of course procrastinator me waited until Monday at 3 pm to go try to find a pumpkin.

Well, I know we all believe deep down that Walmart literally has everything known to man, but I'm going to shatter this belief...THEY DON'T HAVE PUMPKINS! So I sadly ran to down the street to Kroger. Wouldn't you believe, they were totally sold out?! By now I was slightly disgruntled. Where was I going to get a pumpkin this late in the evening?? I tried CVS, Walgreens, and even the sketchy gas station that sometimes have the stands outside. They were all completely cleared out.

I tried my luck one last time at Piggly Wiggly. I asked the lady at the front, and she quickly nodded saying that they had a huge pile of pumpkins in the very back. My thought process was literally "YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!"...until I made it to the back that is and saw this pile. Now she was not exaggerating in the least about the size of the pile, but the pumpkins making up the pile were the mini ones that you could fit in the palm of your hand. I was practically about to cry in the middle of the Pig because I had no idea what to do. I got back in the car and started driving back to campus until I came to a red light. As I was looking dejectedly out the window, I saw a plain ole non-carved/non-decorated pumpkin sitting next to this old tanning salon. I debated with myself for about 5 solid seconds and then quickly pulled into the gas station right next to the deserted salon. Thank the Lord I had $5 in my wallet because I sneaked over and managed to pick this huge pumpkin up, leaving the $5 in it's place and bolted back to the car before anyone hopefully noticed or called the police.

Well now that you know the amazing lengths I went to to obtain this precious pumpkin, I hope this story I'm about to tell you means a little bit more now :) Oh and I know you all won't be able to watch me literally carving a pumpkin-and trust me you're missing out because it was extremely entertaining Monday night considering I had a pumpkin and a butcher knife and no clue where to start, but I hope this makes sense anyway. So here goes:

We're all alot like pumpkins....odd way to look at it I know, but follow me. Close your eyes and think of a pumpkin patch and the man that planted it. I have this great image of like a old man in muddy overalls and one of those old hats and a watering tin can. Well, anywho, that gardener planted each one of his pumpkin seeds in a certain part of his garden with a purpose intended for each one. A gardener doesn't just toss random seeds out in a yard and hope they grow, he is intentional about each seed and tends carefully for them all. Well, God is our Master Gardener. He created each and every one of us in a special way and with a specific plan in mind for each of us. He also placed us exactly where in the "garden" He wanted us to grow up in. Now, our Skilled Gardener doesn't just plant us and leave us to fend for ourselves. He carefully watches over us and cares for us-watering us, shooing away things that could potentially kill us before we are ready, and just making sure we grow properly. He does this constantly whether we realize it or not. As He cares for us, He is constantly working to persuade us to trust Him enough to let Him cut our roots and take us out of the garden. This can be scary, especially since we've never left the garden before and our roots can run pretty deep. But God is faithful, and when we finally put our faith in Him, He severs our roots and picks us up in His big arm and gently washes off all the dirt we picked up from the garden.

This part feels really good, I mean think back to when God saved you from the garden. I was 7 years old, and it's like this overwhelming peace and joy just floods you. I mean the moment of salvation is liberating I guess is the best word to use, but at the same time, I'm sure you'd agree with me in saying that there is no real way to describe the amazing way you feel after asking the Lord to free you. So see, like I said, that part feels good...but then comes the harder part. You see, the dirt wasn't the only thing that we brought with us from the garden. Ever since we came into being, we had things growing inside up...just like a pumpkin. You know, the gross gook that must be removed before you can start carving it. That's basically what we have inside us that our Designer must get rid us of before He can use us to shine for Him. You see, while in the garden things happened to each of us, and seeds began to grow within us. Seeds of bitterness or rejection, seeds of unforgiveness or mistrust, seeds of deception or jealousy, etc, etc. It's different for every person, but just like a pumpkin is totally uncapable of cleaning itself out, we are the same way. We might think we can get rid of these things by ourselves, but it's a lost cause. Only our Father knows us well enough to help us completely get rid of the yuck within. We must let Him remove it, because if we let it fester inside us...well, I'm sure you've all seen the jack-o-lanterns that people have left out a little too long. The gook remaining inside starts going rotten and moldy. It not only looks disgusting, but it smells even worse. We had one in our hallway last week, and the stench was so overwhelming that it practically made me sick to my stomach when I walked into the hallway. There was no hiding it. Just as there is no way to disguise when our insides get rotten because we refuse to let God rid us of the gross hidden within us.

Thankfully, even after He uses His holy scooper in our lives, He doesn't just quit on us. Our Master Carver then slowly chips away and carves into our lives to mold us into the person He created us to become. We have to sit still and let Him chip away the pieces of our lives that are not necessary and that need to be removed so that He can shine through us. It's not easy. It takes time.

Sometimes, however, we screw up. We try to turn away from the Artist, and the picture He is working to create becomes messed up. It's just as if the pumpkin decided to turn around suddenly as you were in the middle of carving its smile. Instead of a smile, there would be a huge jagged tear in its face. What kind of testimony is that?? I mean after something like that happens in your life, even if you want to return back to God we often mistakenly assume that He would never want to use us for His glory since we're messed up. I struggled with this for a long time. I believed that I was forgiven, but I was convinced that God wouldn't want to use someone like me to further His kindgom because people would hear about some of the things I'd gotten into and not believe anything I'd have to say. I mean a badly carved pumpkin doesn't just reflect badly on itself...it makes it look as if the carver is not very masterful. I just assumed that I'd have to be the pumpkin that sat in the back yard. The Carver would still keep me, but He wouldn't let me shine brightly on the front porch as a show of pride in His workmanship because of the way I'd messed up His work in my life.

Well, just as we wouldn't put a disfigured jack-o-lantern out to shine on our front porch, our Master Carver doesn't do that with us either. He doesn't expect us to be His witness in a messed up state. That's the beauty of His healing. When we return to the Master Carver for forgiveness and seek His healing, He will gently work in our lives to heal us. He will not completely erase the result of the mistakes we made, but He will heal us until we will be able to shine for Him in an even greater way we would have ever been able to do before. He will carefully work in our lives so that others will be more amazed at His Skilled Hand and craftsmanship than appalled at our mistake.

Now, I'm not saying we all need to go out and sin in order to "build our testimony" so that others will see how great God is through us. But I am saying that God's been really teaching me over the past few months that He doesn't want us to live in guilt. He wants to rebuild us-or carve us if you will-until we glorify Him. So, I hope next time you see a pumpkin, you remember to let the Master Carver work in your life so that you might become the beautiful creation He created you to be and even if you mess up-big or small-the Skilled Craftsman desires to continue carving our hearts until all is healed and we can shine for Him as brightly as possible. So remember to let your light shine sweet girls!